courage

dear you...

 i think it was really courageous of me to have point blankly asked you again about THE QUESTION.  and though I've practiced  a million times in my head how to drop the bomb, i've never really had enough guts to say it... until the other night. i have so many different scripts of  how to ask  and believe you me, ive practiced in the mirror, while taking a shower, while walking in the street or in the mall or even in my head. and it seemed like i had the perfect reasonable, drama-less script. but every time i make an attempt to take a shot at it, my heart just bails on me. understandably because its not something woman usually ask, let alone make a follow up on. but that night was different i had more than enough courage to get it out of my chest and head. i guess there are times when you just have to do and say the things that have been bottled up inside for quite a while.

so, did my asking made any difference? i honestly dont know. of course you gave me the general hopeful answer but im not really sure how to feel about it. im hopeful and doubtful at the same time and theyre both on the same level. it just crazy how i already know you so well but when it comes to this, i just cant read you. but i wanna be hopeful i really want, but doubt cant seem to leave me in peace.

maybe i don't see it you, maybe this nagging feeling inside means something or maybe im just yet again over-thinking.. 

whatever it is, i know that was my second time to swallow the  feminine pride i have for you to know or even just feel  that its not getting easier for me every passing day. the third will be the deal breaker. and if i have to use every ounce of courage in me to walk away, i will coz i know what i deserve and i will not settle for less.

still yours,

me

dream life

people have different dreams and aspirations.  a great career, wealth, fame etc... many dream to be on the top, some work so hard to reach it and some just dream about it.others may want to see and rule the world, and some just hope for a simple happy life.

 when i think about of what i want, of  what i've always dreamed of, so many things  run in my thoughts,but there are few clear ones that i've always wanted.

at seven years old, i already knew what i wanted- to be a great lawyer. i knew and believed that i had what it takes to be one.this dream  stayed in my heart and mind until i got into college. When i entered the university life, i was exposed to different things i can be and do. this was when i was inspired to climb the corporate ladder but it was not just it. i wanted to see and travel the world and so i also aspired to be a cabin crew. though i had everything what it takes to be what i wanted, some circumstances made me take a different path.

and  now as i grow older, i still have those dreams at the back of my mind.  but what do i really want now? i oftentimes ask this question to myself. and every time i do, my heart and mind have one same answer.

to those who know me, i maybe perceived as an ambitious woman. someone who wants to excel, to be on top, to be  famous, to be rich, and yes,admittedly i wanted those and more when i was younger. But its funny how  my wants and dreams change through time.

right now, all i ever dream and hope for is to have my happily ever after. this isn't like a fairytale that you read on books or see in the movies. my happily ever after is just to have a family with the love of my life.

it amazes me how different my dreams and aspirations from how people who know me expect them to be. my bestfriend of almost ten years dreams to be rich, filthy rich and it maybe a great dream coz if  and when it comes true it'll make ones life easier. 

i don't want to be filthy rich ( of course, i dont wanna be poor either). all i wan is to have and raise a happy, beautiful family and live comfortably.

there is not a day that i don't dream about it. its always on my mind, and just by thinking about it makes me smile and even cry sometimes.

this dream maybe one of the most simple dreams one can have, but there's a point in a woman's life when this dream is just within an arm's reach. but you cant really do anything coz it has take someone to give  and hand it to you.

this is where i am now, stuck within the waiting game. and as i keep thinking about it, that one big nagging question  in my head. how long are you willing to wait for that dream to be given by the love of your life? how long?

...i don't know. i honestly don't know. there are days when i'm full of hope that it'll be soon but there are also times when i try hard to find a reason to keep hoping.

so, i dont know how long can i wait. what i know is that there'll be a time when i will not want to wait anymore. it could be tomorrow, next week or in 2 months or next year. i don't know when, but i will feel it. and when i do,  its time to go and find a new dream.

tic tac tic tac

i feel like time bomb clicking, about to explode very soon...

"when you found the right one for you, you don't do anything to screw it"- this particular line struck me while watching BACHELORETTE. it is so simple, so clear and so true. But how do you exactly NOT screw things? sure there are  countless ways to fuck up just as there are so many ways to ruin the most precious thing for you. More often than not, its unintentional and you don't really realize it until everything is just completely ruined.

Sometimes it just starts with a simple confusion, which somehow you try to shake off but it keeps coming back like a nightmare creeping through your bed sheets and you start to lose sleep  and you just cant get it off your mind.

Then you ask yourself, how can doubt crawl int something so good its almost perfect? how can confusion cloud the happiness you've always dreamed of? maybe its just you, or maybe its something inside you that needs to be air out but you cant or dont want to.

Of love and life

It's a long way. It can't always be perfect..


But you can always choose to be happy.

Dream Getaway

I used to be afraid of  beaches and the sun when I was a kid. And though one of the things I love is swimming and floating in the sea, I dreaded the fact that I'd get even more tanned  if  I swim under the heat of the sun. So, I would always  try to avoid or opt to hit the beach from late afternoon to dusk. But when i have come to terms with  my being "morena", and have come to love my  natural color,  the beach lover in me was unleashed. 

Being born and raised in an island where beaches are just a blink away, i  already have set foot in different shorelines and done a lot of basking in the sun but nothing compared to where I have recently been - Maldives.

Our trip to Maldives was actually just a plan B, as I was supposed to join Jeremy (the boyfriend) and spend summer in France. Unfortunately, it didn't push through. So, to appease my broken heart, my ever sweet french love cut his vacation in Paris short to spend the remaining days  of his holidays  with me, in the beautiful island of Maldives.

Since I was in the Philippines and he was in Paris, we decided to just meet in Maldives. While waiting for my departure date, I was already browsing some resorts in Maldives where we could stay in.  And there are actually not so pricey ones, ranging from Php7,000-Php12,000 per night. But of course in a famous island like Maldives, there are the luxury resorts with rates ranging from Php30,000-Php100,000 per night. So, when Jeremy sent me the copy of our hotel booking, I almost choked on the food I was eating coz  he   booked us  in one of the most luxurious resorts in Maldives- The Conrad Maldives Rangali Isaland.

The Conrad Maldives Rangali is located at the South Ari Atoll and is one of the best 5-star resorts in the Maldives. Click here for the website. Before I write about the details of the resort,  here are the deets on how to go to the Maldives.

From Manila, the fastest way is to fly to Singapore or Kuala Lumpur, then fly to Male. In my case, I took Malaysian airlines which flew me to KL(roughly 4 hours of flight) for a stop over. I waited about 2 hours before i flew again to Male, the capital of Maldives. Ticket price is around $630 for one way. From Male International airport, you would normally fly for about 40 mins via seaplane to the island where the resort is. But since I arrived in Male at 10 in the evening already, the resort had to arrange a domestic flight for me  as the seaplane's last flight is at 3pm. So, from Male Domestic Airport I took a 15-minute flight to Maamigilli Domestic Airport. The resort's crew was already waiting for me and the two families  who were also booked in the resort. They greeted us with some welcome drink at the arrival hall and briefed us on our next trip. After the briefing, the  resort's crew led us to the coach, which will bring us to the port where the speedboat that will finally take us to the resort was.Travel timel is about 20 mins.  Seaplane or arranged domestic flight costs around $500  for two-way per person. We arrived in the resort at around 12mn.

I still couldn't  see the beauty of the resort because it was already dark. But the ambiance made me feel relaxed and the service is just superb. A resort staff  took me to our water villa, (Since the resort is so big, there are a lot of golf carts that will bring you to different parts or the island) and Jeremy was already waiting for me outside. The first thing that I noticed in our villa was the balcony with the Jacuzzi facing the sea. I was in awe of how serene and romantic the place was. The water villa is around are 75 square meters and is built on stilts over the turquoise Maldivian waters with magnificent view of the Indian Ocean. All villas are provided with individual ipod  which can be used to communicate wit the resort's staff.  The ipod is also full of different music  you can listen to.

The resort has seven restaurants and four bars, serving delicious international cuisine.  What i love about the resort is everything is personalized. We were provided with  the resorts daily itinerary. And there was also a reception cocktail party for the guests.   You can  also choose among the 4 major  restaurants where to have your daily breakfast. 

Maldives is a paradise on earth. The perfect blue ocean with its powdery white sands. The spectacular landscape and the stunning seascape. The photos cannot replicate the euphoria of witnessing  beautiful tropical sunrise or romantic sunset. I am so lucky to  have been able to experience all these with someone I adore. This trip is something that some people could just dream of.

For more photos visit my Facebook account.:)

and so i start..

i did my very frist attempt to create a blog site last night, and even if i was able to at least squeeze some thoughts from my mind to write.. i still felt a lil lost as to how to manage my account...Which led me to a decision to just delete my first account and make a new one... And so here i am trying to start whatever i can make out of this..

I hope to have the will and willingness to continue what i have started..